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"The Losers" was tailor-made for an April release date. As a globe-trotting,
by-the-numbers action flick, it is not heinous enough to open at the start of
the year, too frivolous to receive a fall berth amidst more prestigious
projects, and free of the fireworks and wow-factor expected of big summer
blockbusters. It's a textbook example of diverting, forgettable,
been-there-done-that, middle-of-the-road mediocrity. Not necessarily a chore to
sit through, the film nonetheless gives the viewer little to think or care about
as dark comedy intermingles with lots of explosions and plenty of clichés (yes,
there is a slow-motion shot of the heroes coolly walking in a line toward the
camera).
When a United States Black Ops team—leader Clay (Jeffrey Dean Morgan),
second-in-command Roque (Idris Elba), hacker whiz Jensen (Chris Evans), pilot
Pooch (Columbus Short), and sniper Cougar (Oscar Jaenada)—head into the Bolivian
jungle only to watch as the twenty-five imperiled children they have just saved
are brutally killed in a helicopter explosion, the government washes its hands
of the incident and the five men are presumed dead. Without passports to return
to their homeland, cue the entrance of Aisha (Zoe Saldana), a tough beauty with
an ultimatum for the quintet: help her to find and kill Max (Jason Patric), a
homicidal megalomaniac planning world domination, and she will get them back in
the U.S.
Based on the DC Vertigo comic by Andy Diggle, "The Losers" pales in comparison
to the quality capable of screenwriters Peter Berg (2004's "Friday Night
Lights") and James Vanderbilt (2007's "Zodiac"). The same scrutiny cannot be
leveled at director Sylvain White (2007's "Stomp the Yard"), who does what he
can with the material given to him. White falls into the trap of shaky
camerawork and epileptic cutting. The trouble is that there is no originality
within said action sequences, and only a few—including the pre-credits opening;
a fiery hotel room fight between Clay and Aisha; and a truck hijack via an
invading helicopter in downtown Miami—are worth remembering a day later.
While the pacing is kept steady for much of the duration, the characters are
sketchily written at best and two motive-skewing twists prove at least one too
many. If the protagonists are differentiated more by appearance than depth of
personality, then the antagonist is made maniacally ridiculous by way of some
twisted humor and a misguided performance from Jason Patric (2009's "My Sister's
Keeper'). One of cinema's first environmentally conscious bad guys, Patric's Max
has created a sonic dematerializer, a weapon with the power to wipe out an
island in a matter of moments while staying steadfastly green. He's not above
reciting nursery rhymes ("Home again, home again, jiggity-jig") in between his
evil doings. But he does have the film's single best and funniest scene, he
shoots his umbrella-carrying assistant at point-blank range when she briefly
stumbles in the sand and allows the rays of the sun to touch him for a split
second.
Beside Jason Patric's campy little turn, the other actors struggle to keep up.
As brooding macho leader Clay, Jeffrey Dean Morgan (2009's "Watchmen") fits the
bill without ever becoming particularly ingratiating to the viewer. Chris Evans
(2009's "Push") hams it up as Jensen, the sort of guy who thinks nothing of
wearing a pink t-shirt advertising his niece's sports team, The Petunias, or
breaking into a rendition of Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'." Idris Elba
(2009's "Obsessed") and Columbus Short (2010's "Death at a Funeral") are wasted
as Roque and Pooch. Finally, Zoe Saldana (2009's "Avatar"), as Aisha, is
overshadowed by her skin-and-bones look that does no favors to a female
character who is supposed to be tough enough to beat up all the boys. Saldana
has a feisty screen presence, but here she looks feeble and malnourished.
"The Losers" can never quite break away from the feeling that it is just more of
the same, nor does it ever quite decide if it should be taken seriously. The
prologue, featuring a knife pressed up against a little boy's throat only for
him and two dozen other children to be graphically blown to smithereens, is
sobering bordering on sickening (particularly for a film rated PG-13). The jokey
tone of other parts, however, suggest all is supposed to be in jest.
Certainly, there's fun to be had from movies that aim at the lowest common
denominator. But don't fool yourself -- if you revel in entertainment that
deliberately sets out to appeal to people of limited intellect, you're either a)
slumming, or b) genuinely stupid yourself. But movies like The Losers are so
uncaringly stupid, so ineptly made and patently marketed toward people of
limited intellectual capacity, that they're insulting. If The Losers was a
person, you'd want to kick in the crotch. And it would deserve it.
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