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VIDEO OUTHOUSE
10 WORST OF 2010 |
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"Sweet" Dan Sweet's list of
his picks for the 10 Worst comics of 2010. |
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"The opinions expressed in the reviews below are not necessarily those of Alternate Reality, Inc. Hey, I don't agree with all of them either!"
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#1-WWE HEROES #1 |
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Writer:
Keith Champagne
Artist:
Andy Smith |
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Reviewer:
"Sweet" Dan Sweet
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Publisher:
Titan
Comics
Shipped On:
032410
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MSRP:
$3.99 each
(15% OFF during it's 1st Week of release only at Alternate Reality!)
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TITAN'S SYNOPSIS:
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At the sound of the bell, come out fighting! Titan
Publishing unleashes an all-new, all-action, body avalanche of full-on WWE
wrestling comics! Issue #1 reveals an eternal rivalry set against the backdrop
of the history of WWE. Why is the ruthless Shadow King so obsessed with the WWE?
What is the reason for his eternal and supernatural war with the Firstborn? And
could his ancient opponent really be a member of the WWE roster? The series will
take the biggest WWE stars beyond the spotlight of the squared circle and serves
up shocks and surprises that give the wrestlers much more than the dreaded 1-2-3
count to worry about! |
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SWEET DAN'S REVIEW:
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Yikes, I don’t mean to be overly rude here or anything like that, but I’m
surprised there’s a market for this kind of a comic. I mean, it’s not like the
AVERAGE wrestling fan can read about a second-grade level, right? Am I right?
Anybody? Anyway, I had to read this so it’s only fair that you, now, have to
hear about it, as I ramble on and on, laying helping after helping of praise
upon this rag. Actually, that’s not true. I hated this crap-bomb with a fiery
passion, deep, deep within my soul,
“Rise of the First Born” is what the story is called, and yes, there is a story,
albeit not a very good one, but nonetheless, I’m off-track. Apparently, since
the dawn of man, or maybe even earlier than that, a pair of brothers, one known
as the First Born, and the other called the King of Shadows, have been stuck in
a never-ending battle for supremacy. Of course, once one of the brothers finally
overpowers the other the whole contest just starts back over in a new time and
place.
Blah, blah, blah, there’s some wrestling guys, yadda, yadda, yadda, and they
fight each other in the most nonsensical of ways, etc. All of this is done with
very little subtlety or nuance, choosing instead to slam readers in the face
with his ‘metaphors’ like so many folding chairs, which only serves to add to
this reader’s confusion. Am I supposed to root for the First Born, or the King
of Shadows? Do I care if Batista and Orton beat the holy hell out of each other
and a follow up, how the hell am I supposed to tell the difference from one big,
hairless, ape in a speedo from the next?
I’m not a wrestling fan, as you can probably tell, but I was a wrestling fan,
one day, a long, long time ago. Even then, as a young man, would I not be swayed
by this mediocre offering? Stacy Kiebler could read this to me, in a
whipped-cream thong, and I wouldn’t be able to give a damn (well, figuratively
speaking, at least; Stacy, call me!). Like I said before, I’m not sure this is
going to reach whatever the target audience is, and I can’t envision it selling
enough copies to prove lucrative for Titan to continue to produce this drek, but
then again, I said that before, about ‘wrasslin’. |
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#2-ADVENTURES INTO MINDLESS SELF INDULGENCE |
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Writer/Artist:
Jess Fink |
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Reviewer:
"Sweet" Dan Sweet
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Publisher:
Image
Comics
Shipped On:
110310
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MSRP:
$3.99 each
(15% OFF during it's 1st Week of release only at Alternate Reality!)
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IMAGE'S SYNOPSIS:
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TRUE tales of HORROR and INSANITY that will chill
you right to the BONE. From MINDLESS SELF INDULGENCE, the internationally
acclaimed original electro-punk band, comes true never-before-told stories from
the road. THRILL as rowdy fans throw junk at the band! SHIVER as band members
are hauled off to jail! WATCH in awe as venues are trashed! Real stories,
written and experienced by the band, with art by JESS FINK. |
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SWEET DAN'S REVIEW:
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Never have I come across a more irredeemable comic
such as this. I always try to look for any characteristic that may ‘save’ a book
in my eyes, and most times I’m successful. I have to be honest though, with
myself and with others; this is the first time that I’ve EVER read a book and
thought “Wow, this is a little too much…” This is a ‘Mature Readers’ title,
although you’d never know it by how small the warning is printed on the front
cover. Believe me, it earns that label by being one of the most repugnant and
despicable titles I’ve ever had the displeasure of reading.
Scat play, penis-humor, oral sex, and alcohol abuse are all just a few of the
things that Jess Fink finds funny, and she’s hoping that you find that sort of
retarded subject matter humorous. The book is broken down into a series of
vignettes, each one dedicated to its own particular brand of debauchery. I’ll
admit not everything in this book left me without a laugh, but for the most part
it’s a random assortment of gross-out humor and ill-conceived ideas about
story-telling.
The art is going to catch the eye of the hipster, North side set; fans of
artists like Tony Millionaire, or any of the other creators featured in Marvel’s
latest “Strange Tales” offering, but I implore you, buy something else, anything
else other than this. A purchase of this comic only goes to illustrate to Image
Comics that readers demand more output of this sort, and that’s a bad, BAD
thing.
I ‘Googled’ “Mindless Self Indulgence”, thinking that I would find a series of
loosely-related comics of this kind, but you know what I found…this is a ‘true
story’. Not the review, the comic. It’s based on the adventures of a band that
call themselves Mindless Self Indulgence, and it’s band members are really
called Johnny Urine, Steve Righ?, LynZ, and Kitty, and yes, they do all seem to
be mentally unstable.
The fact that this is a sort of anti-biography, in direct opposition to
BlueWater’s recent bio-rags of pop stars and starlets as well as assorted
political pundits, made me smile, but only because I know that somewhere out
there there’s a group of people that make my rude attitude and penchant for the
obscene seem like some sort of a Disney Film special…I consider myself
vindicated. |
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#3-ETERNAL DESCENT #1
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Writer:
Llexi Leon
Artist:
Jason Metcalf |
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Reviewer:
"Sweet" Dan Sweet
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Publisher:
IDW
Comics
Shipped On:
033110
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MSRP:
$3.99 each
(15% OFF during it's 1st Week of release only at Alternate Reality!)
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IDW'S SYNOPSIS:
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Welcome to a city where lost souls lurk in every
shadow and darkness veils sinister designs, where heavy metal could be the key
to salvation...or the gateway to destruction. A fallen hero, a twisted demon,
one gorgeous succubus, and an army of chart-topping guitar heroes: the pieces
are in place. The Descent begins. Written by Llexi Leon and illustrated by Jason
Metcalf. Incentive Cover by Syzmond Kudranski & Svee Wheeler. Created in
conjunction with ESP Guitars and Marshall Amplification. |
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SWEET DAN'S REVIEW:
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Who’d have ever thought that such unimaginable drek could come from such an
ambitious undertaking? I did; I’d have thought that, and moreover, once I
realized that this was some heavy metal musician’s sad attempt at crossover
success by transforming his work on multiple concept albums into a comic
book/motion comic, with hopes that it then crosses from comics to other mediums,
such as T.V. or films, I had a pretty strong distaste for the project, and its
creator’s aspirations. It doesn’t have anything to do with the ‘metal’ aspect,
or the angels and demons that seem controlled by ‘the power of rock and roll’,
or whatever, but rather the unoriginal, and often laughable story, accompanied
by amateurish pencils that made my mind up for me.
A seraphim, whose name might actually be Seraph, likes to play his guitar on the
rooftops of New York at night; a young, aspiring singer on her way home from a
‘gig’ seems to think it safe for an unaccompanied woman to wander through dark
alleyways, also at night; demons hang out in New York waiting for unsuspecting
women to go wandering through alleys when, you got it, at NIGHT. If you’ve got
all that, then you pretty much have an understanding of what happens in the
first issue of ‘Eternal Descent’. Aside from the dry, witless dialogue, and the
uninteresting visual depiction of an uninteresting story that seems to blend
aspects of the Christian faith with those of Norse mythology amongst other
things, there was also the shameless promotion of musical equipment which just
so happened to be made by ESP Guitars and Marshall Amplification (credited with
creating the book in conjunction with the artistic contributors, whatever the
hell that means…).
By the end of the book there’s a twist that’s anything but. I don’t want to let
the cat out of the bag, just in case anyone is seriously jonesing for a shot at
reading this sans spoilers, but the Angel doesn’t exactly save the day. There’re
a lot of questions after the first issue, but I’m not planning on sticking
around and finding answers for any of them. Even if this was illustrated by an
A-list talent, I can’t honestly say that there’s enough substance to the story
to draw me into it enough, especially not when the price tag is
$4-freaking-dollars an issue? I think somebody’s been doing a little too much
head-banging! |
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#4-CHARMED #1 |
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Writers:
Ruditis and Raven Gregory |
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Artist:
Dave Hoover |
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Reviewer:
"Sweet" Dan Sweet
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Publisher:
Zenescope
Comics
Shipped On:
072110
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MSRP:
$3.99 each
(15% OFF during it's 1st Week of release only at Alternate Reality!)
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ZENESCOPE'S SYNOPSIS:
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The Girls are back in town! The Charmed ones return in this brand new fantasy
series from Zenescope that picks up where the series left off. Claiming their
victory in the battle against evil, Piper, Phoebe, and Paige were free to settle
into the future with their husbands and children, destined to live out the
happily ever after they had so rightfully earned...or so they thought. Features
three covers including one photo cover. |
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SWEET DAN'S REVIEW:
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Here’s something I have NO use for, a comic book
based on a television show that I was never particularly fond of, one that
hasn’t even been on T.V. (with new episodes) for the better part of five years.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, should any of you be inclined to care, there’s a
“Charmed” comic book on the racks, and YES, it is a piece of crap.
It starts out innocently enough, bad guys doing bad stuff in some poorly lit,
packed-to-the-gills night club. Everything at this point is pretty vague, but
you get the idea that the bad guys a) use magic, b) aren’t to be messed with,
and c) are trying really hard to bring someone back from some place, although
the who and the why aren’t really touched again.
The ladies of “Charmed”, which would be Phoebe, Paige, and Piper (no Shannon
Doherty, sorry folks!) have their own lives, and have for the most part retired
from witching. Oh, and there’s a school where one of them teaches other kids how
to properly deal with mystical abilities. Some of the “Charmed” chicks have kids
off their own, ones that apparently manifest magical abilities while still in
infancy, which will make for all sorts of silly ‘Deus Ex Machina’,
baby-inadvertently-saves/dooms-the-day type of plot devices.
The bad guys break into some tree and descend into the underworld, which would
be cool, if we knew what the hell they were trying to do. The good guys, I mean
gals, sit around and squawk about their day, their children, their jobs, and
their periods (just kidding about that last part, but if they did it wouldn’t
have surprised me). I’m sorry that this review seems to be lacking any flavor,
any pizzazz; I’d try to lay out what happened in a less ham-fisted way but
that’s really just how everything simply just occurred in the book. One second
the bad guys are being bad and shady, the next we’re supposed to be laughing as
one of the witches defends her self against an onslaught of salad. One moment
we’re in a school for up and coming witches and wizards, the next were at home
with another one of the sisters and her husband, who I guess is supposed to be
Cupid, because they said it more than once, really laying it on thick there at
the end.
The artwork is alright, but only at parts, and the decision to proceed directly
from pencils to colors is a poor choice. The book and the colors suffer because
there isn’t a defined look to the characters, or the back grounds, or anything
really. Everything looks scratchy; the colors appear to be colored pencil at
parts, simply because the pencil shading isn’t properly addressed. I don’t think
this book would have been nearly as dull visually if it had seen the pen-work of
a proper inker.
I could go on and on about what I didn’t like about this book, but more than any
of that I don’t like the fact that this book exists. I don’t understand a need
for it, and I’m sure sales will dictate that it goes the way of the dodo bird
before it reaches its twelfth issue. I’m sure there’s genre fans aching to find
a good substitute for whatever show gets cancelled, or simply ends after eight
seasons, but don’t think dumping your mythology on comic book fans is going to
win you any praise here. No, thanks. |
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#5-BRIGADE #1 |
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Writers:
Rob Liefield and Mark Poulton
Artist:
Marat Mychaels |
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Reviewer:
"Sweet" Dan Sweet
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Publisher:
Image
Comics
Shipped On:
070810
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MSRP:
$3.99 each
(15% OFF during it's 1st Week of release only at Alternate Reality!)
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IMAGE'S SYNOPSIS:
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"GENOCIDE" BATTLESTONE. SEAHAWK. COLDSNAP. THERMAL. KAYO. STASIS. LETHAL.
Together they are BRIGADE. Thirty years ago, a crashed alien spacecraft was
retrieved by the U.S. government. A warning of an impending invasion was heeded
and an alien defense initiative named Brigade was formed. 30 years later,
Genocide arrives, looking to finish earth off for good. Fueled by alien
technology and biology, only a Brigade can stop them! A complete re-imagining of
the original smash series by the original creative team of ROB LIEFELD and MARAT
MYCHAELS. |
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SWEET DAN'S REVIEW:
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“Brigade” seems to be the perfect example of why I
stopped reading comics during the mid- to late-90’s, I mean in addition to
girls, booze, and assorted other distractions. There’s nothing about this
concept that’s gotten any better with time; while some books, like a fine wine,
get better with age, this simply seems to have gotten stale, even the thought
that revisiting this title was a good idea seems like a mind-boggling mistake.
Image Comics, founded in 1992, was a haven for artists, but never really found
it’s footing as a home for great writers. I mean, sure, great writers passed
through every now and then (Hell, even Alan Moore wrote an arc of “WildC.A.T.S.”!),
but for the most part the company fancied itself as an penciller’s playground,
so the idea of celebrated a maligned 90’s throw-back in this, the Nu-Golden Age
of the Writer, seems nonsensical.
Some families have all the luck, and if you’re a member of the Stone family, or
just stoned, then “Brigade” is a book right up your alley. Maybe there was
something in the water, or maybe everyone got bit by radioactive spiders, I
don’t know, but somehow, some way, it seems all the members of the Stone clan
wound up with funky abilities and, of course, made the astounding decision to
become super-heroes. With names like “Kayo” (get it, K-O?), Seahawk II, Lethal,
Coldsnap, and my favorite, Battlestone (which should automatically be
accompanied by fifteen exclamation points, so it would look something like this:
BATTLESTONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) it would appear that Rob Liefield and Mark Poulton
went back and re-read every $#!tty Image comic produced. In fact, my favorite
line from the entire issue was: “Chillax big fella. I was sent to test you.
Battlestone(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) needed to know if you’re ready for battle.” Which
shows, with the exact kind of redundancy one would expect from a high-school
English paper, that neither of these two guys are talented writers.
There’s a bit of a reveal at the end, but since it’s given away on the cover I
guess it doesn’t REALLY count as a ‘reveal’, and even if it wasn’t I wouldn’t
color myself surprised by the minor ‘twist’. At least Battlestone got himself a
haircut, ditching those silly braids that were a fashion faux-pa even in 1992,
but he still wears that little hamster/rat/gerbil skull on his forehead; am I
the only one who wants to know how the hell he gets that thing to stay in one
place? All in all, this book left me not longing for more comics in the vein of
those I read as a youth, which happen to be the same comics that chased me away
in my teens, but for better, newer comics, with an eye for storytelling,
characterization, and artistry. I want to be enthralled by the ideas, the
action, and the suspense. I want to WANT to hang out with the characters I read
about, or at least look up them, despite their fictional status, and the problem
with “Brigade” is that none of what I’m looking for in comics, now that I’ve
grown up a bit, is present. |
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#6-JUSTICE LEAGUE THE RISE OF ARSENAL #1 (OF 4)
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Writer:
J.T. Krul
Artist:
Geraldo Borges |
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Reviewer:
"Sweet" Dan Sweet
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Publisher:
DC
Comics
Shipped On:
032410
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MSRP:
$3.99 each
(15% OFF during it's 1st Week of release only at Alternate Reality!)
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DC'S SYNOPSIS:
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In JUSTICE LEAGUE: CRY FOR JUSTICE, Roy Harper lost
everything at the hands of Prometheus, barely surviving the brutal severing of
his arm. But when he finally awakens from his coma, Roy will find that his
dangerous journey into despair is just beginning. |
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SWEET DAN'S REVIEW:
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Ever seen the old, Martial Arts film “The Crippled Master”? No? Okay, it’s about
amputees beating the crap out of people without disabilities, that’s about it,
well, at least that’s about all I can remember. Anyway, Roy Harper, a.k.a. The
Red Arrow, has recently been disarmed, for lack of a better term, his city was
destroyed, and as a result, his daughter was killed. Sounds as if somebody is
having a rough week, and apparently it’s set to get worse. Depending on how you
look at it this is either the third part of “The Rise and Fall”, or the first
part of the second act of “The Rise and Fall”, but what’s really important is
that it isn’t very good.
For all of the good injecting characterization into Roy Harper has done over the
last several years, it wasn’t enough to drag DC away from the addict-angle that
the character is famous for. Y’see, back in the day Roy Harper was known as
Speedy, Green Arrow’s sidekick, and while he was called Speedy he was actually a
bit slow, seeing as how his favorite pastime was tying the dinosaur (meaning:
shooting-up/tying off/getting all ‘smacky’ on H). Fast forward, say, I dunno, a
lot of years, and Roy has overcome his addiction, has a daughter, and was
formerly a member of the Outsiders, Titans, and the Justice League. THEN James
Robinson goes and undoes everything in two issues of that wretched heap of
fan-fiction that wasn’t worth the paper it was printed on.
There’s a recap of Robinson’s “Cry for Justice” #6, in which Roy loses his arm
at Prometheus’s hand (no pun intended), and while it aims to expand upon what
Robinson laid out, it only serves to handicap (I swear I’m not doing this on
purpose) the story, as Roy is already playing catch-up going in, and the fan’s
already know what the hell happened. SO, the first issue is a lot of posturing,
and melancholy, and then a one-armed and stoned-on-Oxycontin Roy kicks the crap
out of a couple of looters seeking to get rich off of his ten-year-old computer
monitor, and some of his other $#!t that wasn’t completely wrecked in
whatever-the-hell happened that crushed his daughter…?!...I don’t get it.
Geraldo Borges does a great job illustrating, what I consider to be, a
lackluster script. There is a really effective two-page spread, with no
dialogue, that conveys the emotion of the Justice League’s loss. Inks by Marlo
Alquiza, and colors by Hi-Fi, really serve to bring out the strongest qualities
in Borges’ work, namely his grasp for emotive characters, and his dynamic action
(the opening re-cap is way more exciting than “CFJ”…I finally read it). The book
is visually exciting, even if the story isn’t going to knock you socks off.
I’m hoping that the next issue has a bit more purpose to it, other than
continuing to reacquaint Roy with his new life-situation, not that I have a
problem with this new characterization, yet, but I’d like to get to the ‘rise of
Arsenal’, if for no other reason than to determine if I want to continue
following this character, or if they’re going to revert him to some lame,
90’s-inspired anti-hero. I’d rather see Roy ‘rise’ to prominence, overcoming his
losses, and potentially take a rebel-G. A.’s spot on the League, but I don’t
think that’s where this is going. |
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#7-SPIDER-MAN VS VAMPIRES #1 |
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Writer:
Kevin Grevioux Artist:
Sean Phillips |
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Reviewer:
"Sweet" Dan Sweet
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Publisher:
Marvel Comics
Shipped On:
102710
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MSRP:
$3.99 each
(15% OFF during it's 1st Week of release only at Alternate Reality!)
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MARVEL'S SYNOPSIS:
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VAMPIRES! You can't trust them, even when they're on your side. From the pages
of Marvel Digital, Spider-Man's had a long history with Blade, the Vampire
hunter, but when he finds him enslaved in an underground, undead fighting
league, the web-head must fight Blade for his very life - or face the curse of
the Vampire! Kevin Grevioux (ADAM: LEGEND OF THE BLUE MARVEL) and Roberto Castro
(NEW EXILES) bring you all the bloodsucking action! |
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SWEET DAN'S REVIEW:
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Want to know what might be the WORST Spider-Man
comic book I’ve ever read in my entire life, ever?! This one.
In a story that’s more suited for the “Marvel Adventures” line than it is the
mainstream Marvel-616, writer/actor Kevin Grevioux just plows his way through
the motions as he goes about telling a Spider-Man/Blade throw-down with a bunch
of blood suckers. It’s a little bit “Fight Club”, it’s a little bit
“Underworld”, it’s a little bit of every trendy vampire story that’s saturated
the medium as of late, and it’s a LOT of stupid. No, seriously, my brain hurt so
badly by the time I finished with this book that I almost gave up comics
forever. Forever.
In a story packed so full of contrivances I’m surprised there was room for any
illustrations, Spider-Man tracks down a vampire fighting ring which just so
happens to be run by a guy who’s creating artificial vampires by way of a drug
called “Fang”. Spider-Man gets himself captured and tossed in the ring with
Blade, whom he was trying to rescue, and the two are forced to fight to the
death. Now, that’s not really going to happen, duh, and a page and half later
the two are in the labs at Empire State University attempting to figure out how
to overcome their vampire enemies.
I don’t have a problem with the idea of the story, but when it ignores so much
that’s been going on with the character of Blade (over in the book ‘X-Men’) as
of late, it just feels like an exercise in futility. I don’t think Grevioux, or
editor Tom Brennan even realize there’s a big epic vampire tale that either just
ended or is coming to an end, that co-starred the Daywalker. It’s this sort of
inconsistency that leads me to believe that this was just something that was
either written a while ago and has been sitting around in a desk drawer waiting
to see the light of day, or that no one involved bothered to do any research
before putting pen to paper. (EDITOR'S NOTE: I don't usually do these but
this book is an on-line comic that Marvel is putting in print here for the first
time, so it's essentially an inventory story)
The art is just inadequate. That’s the only way I can think of to describe it.
Two inkers and two colorists do not a uniform look create, and to be honest, the
pencils aren’t that great of a starting point for either one. Castro barely
manages a cohesive look for the character of Blade, his hair changing from one
panel to the next, and his Spider-Man, lackluster at best. I don’t mind
Buscema/Larsen influence, as both of those names were synonymous with the
Web-Head, but when the art is as lacking in consistency as this is it comes off
as an amateurish homage to days gone by.
Overall this is one turd that is better off left buried in a quarter-bin
somewhere. Honestly, I can’t say enough bad stuff about this book. Neil Gaiman
is right…Vampires are soooooooo over. |
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#8-VALKYRIE #1 |
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Writer:
Bryan J.L. Glass
Artist:
Phil Winslade |
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Reviewer:
"Sweet" Dan Sweet
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Publisher:
Marvel
Comics
Shipped On:
092910
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MSRP:
$3.99 each
(15% OFF during it's 1st Week of release only at Alternate Reality!)
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MARVEL'S SYNOPSIS:
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From the pages of SECRET AVENGERS-the untold story of the rebirth of Valkyrie!
In AVENGERS DISASSEMBLED, Ragnarok claimed the lives of the Asgardians, until
they were reborn along with Thor himself...but when and how did the legendary
shield maiden Brunhilde return? How does a murder mystery hold all the answers?
And how can Valkyrie solve the riddle of her own death? Dare a glimpse into the
soul of Marvel's most misunderstood heroine, and witness her transformation from
myth to Defender to Avenger! Featuring the Marvel Universe writing debut of
acclaimed writer Bryan J.L. Glass (The Mice Templar), and the stunning pencils
of Phil Winslade (Wonder Woman)! |
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SWEET DAN'S REVIEW:
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Let’s get this out of the way first: I’m a ‘new’
Avengers fan. I didn’t read the Avengers growing up, in fact “New Avengers” was
my first regular Avengers-related purchase, and THAT is the version of the team
that I’m likely to look back on most fondly as time goes on. At first I thought
this one-shot was somehow tied to the soon-to-be-released “Thor” movie, but I
was wrong, this is ACTUALLY an attempt to capitalize on the popularity of the Ed
Brubaker-penned “Secret Avengers”. While this attempt to make heads or tails of
the character’s convoluted history is admirable, if for nothing more than the
sheer amount nonsense one has to delve into, in the end the book just came off
as a fluff piece that does NOTHING to advance the character, in my opinion.
So everyone wanted to know where Valkyrie had been since Thor awakened the
Asgardian pantheon; Bryan J.L. Glass is trying to explain what went on with the
character between Straczynski’s “Thor” #1 and “Secret Avengers” #1,
unfortunately it’s not that good of a story. While all the Asgardians slept in
human bodies after Ragnarok, Valkyrie was a hotel concierge. After she’s
‘killed’ by being thrown from a high-rise hotel she’s revived by a paramedic
only to be re-revived by Thor as Brunnhilde, or Valkyrie, as she’s more commonly
known as. This leads to a whole lot of silliness in which Valkyrie attempts to
make sense of all the cluttered memories in her head, as well as figure out who
killed her human counterpart while the Asgardian inside her was dormant.
Seriously, just trying to explain it is giving me a headache.
There is, of course, a silly appearance by a third-rate villain who just so
happens to be the one responsible for throwing Valerie, I mean Valkyrie, out of
a window. They fight, Val wins (no duh!) and then readers are told they can
follow the heroine’s adventures in “Secret Avengers”, but I don’t think ANYONE
would be sold on THAT title by way of this one. I mean, there’s so much to
absorb, so much in the way of convoluted past, present, and potential future
with this character; even as the writer/artist team do their best to make her as
interesting as possible it’s just way off the mark. I couldn’t find myself taken
by the overly-complex material conveniently shoehorned into present continuity.
The art is tolerable, if not a little non-descript. Phil Winslade is a capable
artist, but he’s not given a chance to illustrate anything with any personality.
The whole book feels like it’s going through the motions instead of attempting
to really captivate a reader’s attention. I thought the pictures were pretty,
but I’d much rather see the guy draw something with some heart. I imagine this
was some sort of editorially mandated story that they wanted to get out there in
celebration of “Women of Marvel” month, but it just doesn’t do anyone involved
any justice. Glass comes off looking like an amateur and Winslade kills some
time before his next project. Valkyrie might be of some interest to older fans
but THIS isn’t the way to spark a great deal of interest in the character with a
new generation of readership. |
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#9-MURDERLAND #1
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Writer:
Stephen Scott
Artist:
David Hahn |
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Reviewer:
"Sweet" Dan Sweet
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Publisher:
Image
Comics
Shipped On:
080410
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MSRP:
$2.99 each
(15% OFF during it's 1st Week of release only at Alternate Reality!)
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IMAGE'S SYNOPSIS:
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"SET THE METHOD DOWN," Part One, Artist DAVID HAHN joins newcomer STEPHEN SCOTT
to tell a story of doomed romance, bloodshed and the outer limits of human
potential, all unfolding on the "complicated" streets of Baltimore, Maryland.
The Arabber is a reformed killer bent on bringing peace to his hometown. Method
is his lover and partner in crime, but she may not be long for The Arabber's
crusade. The first of many genre-bending stories in the MURDERLAND universe. |
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SWEET DAN'S REVIEW:
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“Murderland” is a reference to the city, Baltimore,
Maryland, also known as ‘Body-More, Murderland’, mostly by the people
unfortunate enough to come from there. Made famous for the most part due to its
high crime-rate, and “The Wire”, a television show about Baltimore’s high
crime-rate, ‘Body-More’ isn’t only the setting of the story but almost a
supporting character in and of itself. An “Arabber” is a person who sells wares,
typically produce, from a cart, usually found in urban areas where fresh fruits
and vegetables aren’t as easily available. The character Arabber doesn’t appear
to actually BE an arabber, not by definition anyway. Okay, now that our
vocabulary lesson is concluded, let’s move on.
Arabber and Method are a pair of weapon-wielding weirdoes who kill people, I’m
assuming for money although it’s never specified. Theirs is a love story built
on a solid foundation of mutilated bodies, or at least reliability, because
judging from the results of the first issue they’ve both worked together before
and have a pretty adequate gauge on the other’s abilities. Oh yeah, there’re
super-powers, or so it seems, as Arabber is quickly lacerated at least two-dozen
times by scalpels (I counted!) thrown by a guy who can obviously throw a whole
crap-load of scalpels really, really quickly. He not only lives through it but
maintains witty banter with Method the whole way, even as she uses his already
bloodied body as a human shield.
Method, the chick part of the team is a bit on the weird side herself. She’s an
actress playing an ever-changing part with a new script everyday; I get the
feeling that even Arabber knows less about her than he thinks he does. Half way
through a battle with some douchey bad-guy she grows these ridiculous bone spurs
from her knees and breaks them off in said douchey guy’s shoulders, effectively
pinning him to the wall. She’s a shape-changer, or at least she appears to be,
but the narrator does an inadequate job of preparing the reader for the sudden
tonal shift in the material. I can almost hear the pitch now: “Alright, we’re
gonna start with a pretty sub-standard assassin tale and then we’re gonna kick
it up a notch by suddenly tossing in this ‘super-power’ element. It’s really
gonna come off as an American exercise in Manga story telling, only backwards,
which for us is forwards anyway.”
David Hahn is the only redeemable thing this book has going for it. His simple
style and creative use of panels to help move the momentum along helped me get
through a rather dull example of how NOT to make a new comic. Some of the
character designs, especially the African-American males are very derivative of
what I’ve seen in Mangas ten to fifteen years ago. Very stereotypical
analogue-characters made for a disconnected reading experience, which is why I
can unequivocally denounce this title as one of the more lame-duck indies to
ship this week. |
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#10-PILOT SEASON: DEMONIC |
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Writer:
Robert Kirkman Artist:
Joe Benitez |
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Reviewer:
"Sweet" Dan Sweet
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Publisher:
Image/Top Cow Comics
Shipped On:
012710
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MSRP:
$3.99 each
(15% OFF during it's 1st Week of release only at Alternate Reality!)
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IMAGE/TOP COW'S SYNOPSIS:
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The demon is in his head. The demon makes him strong. The demon gets angry when
he doesn't kill. Scott Graves is possessed and he will do anything the demon
asks as long as it promises not to make him kill his wife and daughter. Scott
stalks in the night as Demonic, a vigilante known for savagely slaughtering the
wicked. He asks himself, how long can he continue living this way and what if
the demon isn't real? |
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SWEET DAN'S REVIEW:
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Good idea, but it suffers a flawed execution. That’s what I took away from
Kirkman and Silvestri’s newest concept in the Top Cow Pilot Season promotion,
that’s so far seen two, no, four books win, and exactly…one series released as a
result, with a second $#!t-canned for creative differences. I don’t know if they
just like the name “Pilot Season” or what, but usually pilots are followed by a
series (whether mini, maxi, or on-going, it doesn’t matter) and that doesn’t
seem to be the case here. However, this is the first year in which all five
entries are penned by the same author, with only the art chores handled by
separate teams.
“Demonic” is the second of Kirkman and Silvestri’s offerings, and while I found
it to be sound in concept, I didn’t really think much of the finished product.
It’s not that I find the writing to be particularly bad, I’m a fan of Kirman’s
other works, and the art is tolerable, not my thing per say, but it’s keeping
within the Top Cow ‘House Style’ that’s been laid down by the creative teams of
yesteryear. I just don’t think it works as a done-in-one book. There are too
many questions that are left unanswered, and while I understand that it’s
supposed to keep you wanting more, this left me need more information.
At night a family man is visited by a demon, to which he owes some sort of debt,
and in order to keep the demon from devouring the souls of his wife and child,
this man dons a silly costume with sharp finger-blades and stalks the streets
for any criminal element he can find. The problem? The only element he comes
across is a squad of police officers that have been assigned to take the
dangerous vigilante down. Where Batman would throw a few smoke bombs, and maybe,
just maybe throw a few punches, Demonic starts hacking cops into tiny,
bite-sized pieces, leaving a trail of blood and carnage in his wake that’s sure
to make him public enemy number one in the eyes of law enforcement.
The problem that I have is that there’s no rhyme or reason to it all. Demonic is
a man tortured by the never-ending taunts of an evil, demon beast, to whom a
debt is owed, but why? Why does Demonic choose to assault the police officers as
opposed to escaping without any violence? What exactly is this guy capable of?
Because I can’t figure out what his powers are other than evading shots fired at
him from fully automatic assault rifles no more than a foot away from him…or is
he invulnerable? These are just some of the basic things that should be somewhat
obvious to a reader; the only thing this guy does that is so impressive is chop
body parts off with a single, graceful, slice.
Joe Benitez does a great job illustrating the carnage. Since it’s a ‘Pilot
Season’ book there’s a lot of posing and posturing the character, pin-up style.
I think he’d be great on a Wolverine title, considering this is a lot like
Wolverine, only with demons. The line work is solid, but the backgrounds are
sparse. I’d like to see more of an environment established in an issue like
this, where I’m supposed to develop an interest in what’s going on.
Overall, I’m sure this will not go on to win the contest. There’s just not
enough substantial story to keep people clamoring for more. Even the ‘twist’ at
the end is weak, and easily deduced through the less-than-subtle foreshadowing
that Kirkman beats readers over the head with. Again, that’s not a slight
against the guy as an author, I love a lot of his work, but this time he just
took a swing, and missed.
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All Books/Characters pictured herein are © Copyright 2011 by their respective
owners. No rights given or implied by Alternate Reality, Incorporated.
Reviews © 2011 Alternate Reality, Inc.
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